After spending 4 years in prison, I attended a GP appointment and was told that they were deeply concerned about pain and the presentation of my womb area. Told there was a possibility of cancer and I was to be seen within two weeks, I faced an enormous dilemma. Should I attend the appointment, accompanied by two officers (chained to one), or miss the appointment and essentially risk my life (if I did indeed have cancer)? When I told my partner, he was shocked that I would risk my health this way and found it difficult to understand why I would choose to miss the appointment.
I would have agreed with him, except I had already attended a hospital appointment the previous year that had ended up being a humiliating experience. Plus I had heard horror stories of other women who had been degraded, embarrassed and had complete removal of dignity when they attended their appointments and I didn’t want to suffer the same humiliation. In my previous hospital appointment it was bad enough having to use the toilet whilst an officer in the same room turned their back to me, pretending to ignore me.
I didn’t want my medical history and notes shared to anyone who wasn’t medical. I didn’t want a male officer present when I was being examined, or stood the other side of a flimsy curtain hearing everything going on. I wanted to be treated like a human being, the same as someone on the ‘outside’. If it was indeed cancer, I wanted my partner there or friends who could support me. I wanted and deserved respect which I knew I wasn’t going to get, so I declined and refused to attend reception for the appointment.
I was lucky – I only had six weeks left to serve in prison and therefore knew I could rebook the appointment in the next few months. Women who are incarcerated for much longer do not have this option. Thankfully in my case it wasn’t cancer, but it was a large and painful cyst that could have burst at anytime requiring urgent medical attention and the possibility of becoming life threatening from an infection.
I still stand by my decision (although my partner still does not agree with me) – if I can’t be treated like a human being with a basic level of dignity, I don’t want to subject myself to an upsetting and traumatic event.